Continuing our discussion on how individuals with specific a “Prakruti” (mind-body constitution) interact with people of different physical and psycho-somatic constitutions, in this article we will briefly explain how individuals with Kapha (water & earth) as the predominant dosha (element) interact with spouses/partners who have similar or different doshas (elements).
Ayurveda says that in general, Kapha individuals are the most passive, slowest and reactive people compared to Vata (Air) and Pitta (Fire) individuals. However, they are very affectionate (even though not so passionate), steady (even though not so firm), easy going (even though not so flexible), forgiving (even though they don’t/can’t forget the incident), have very good memory (though they may take time to memorise something), consistent and persistent (though they may take time to start something), emotionally very sensitive (but not so expressive), indifferent (but not necessarily detached), have many desires (but are not ambitious enough to fulfill them), are dependent on others for getting a moral boost but not necessarily for doing the actual work, lack motivation personally but can easily motivate/encourage others, etc. Now let us see how Kapha individuals interact in their intimate relationships with their spouses/partners with similar or different mind-body constitutions, and how it can be improved:
- Kapha individuals with Vata partners:
Though they are very contrasting by nature and their characters can be quite opposite to each other, still this can be an excellent combination. The relationship between both of them can be quite strong and of a very long lasting nature compared to other combinations, if only a little effort is put into understanding each other properly and acting/interacting accordingly.
Vata individuals are generally proactive, expressive, bubbly, warm, friendly, talkative, are easily excitable, etc., whereas Kapha individuals are reactive, reserved, passive, somewhat cold, shy, quiet, take time to show that they are excited/enthusiastic (even though they might FEEL excited & enthusiastic). These opposite qualities and characteristic features can be turned into a complementary rather than a contradictory relationship.
Kapha individuals can help their Vata spouse/partner become more grounded, stable/ steady, more disciplined, and become better listeners; while on the other hand, Kapha individuals can learn to be more expressive, willing to mingle with others proactively, learn to articulate/communicate more, etc.
2. Kapha individuals with their Pitta spouse/partner:
The positive aspect of this combination is that Kapha individuals can be very helpful for their Pitta spouses/partners with regard to anger management.
Pitta people generally have a tendency to become easily irritated and agitated by the slow movements of their Kapha spouse/partner. During heated arguments, Pitta individuals can be hypercritical, aggressive and even abusive; but even in such serious situations, Kapha individuals can still maintain their calm and not react to their Pitta spouse/partner. This tolerant attitude of the Kapha individuals can help the Pitta individuals to let go of their ego and anger, and feel more compassionate towards their Kapha spouses/partners.
On the other hand, Pitta individuals, due to the strong fire element, can help their Kapha spouse/partner to have more drive in their lives, to be more ambitious and do something actively to achieve their life goals. Also, they can help their Kapha spouse/partner to feel more confident and self-dependent by boosting their moral and encouraging them (instead of criticising them).
With regard to their intimate relationship in bed, since Kapha individuals are not so passionate like Pitta individuals (even though they have a strong desire for enjoying sex) this passive nature of Kapha individuals can irritate their Pitta oriented spouse/partner. This “cold” behavior of the Kapha individual, many a time can cause doubts in the minds of their Pitta oriented spouses/partners about them – i.e. whether their partner may have a serious issue with sex, their character/loyalty may come under suspicion as to whether they are interested in someone else, etc. (which can hurt the Pitta oriented individuals’ ego the most). Such doubts can create a rift between the Kapha and Pitta partners. Serious consequences can be avoided/prevented by making simple changes in their diet and lifestyle.
Kapha individuals should eat more pungent food (as mentioned above) to ignite the fire element and thus have more passion during intimacy in bed. They should also eat more Vata (air) oriented food (as mentioned above), to be able to EXPRESS the passion and have the drive while reciprocating with their Pitta spouse/partner in bed.
Pitta individuals should consume more sweets, e.g. honey, molasses, maple syrup, rock sugar, sweet fruits, and roots. These sweeteners will help to pacify aggravated Pitta and the roots will help them to be more compassionate towards their Kapha spouses/partners, instead of being critical towards the shortcomings of their Kapha spouses/partners. Consuming roots will also help Pitta oriented individuals to lower their high standards and adopt the attitude of compromise and acceptance. This will help them to be more sensitive towards the emotions of their Kapha spouses/partners.
With regard to lifestyle, Kapha individuals should do more vigorous exercises and reduce the intake of carbs and starch (which they tend to like to eat more). This will help them to feel more confident and self-dependent – qualities which Pitta individuals appreciate. When Pitta individuals appreciate some qualities in their Kapha oriented spouses/partners, they feel more attracted towards the Kapha spouses/partners, and then they can easily ignore the shortcomings of their Kapha spouse/partner. As a result, their relationship can be more loving, caring and harmonious.
With regard to their intimate relationship – Kapha individuals generally do not get excited and aroused so easily, and once they are aroused, they do not feel satisfied very easily, whereas Vata individuals are just the opposite – they get aroused very quickly and reach a climax quite fast. This contrast can become a cause of dissatisfaction and can give rise to disagreements in day to day dealings with each other – if such disagreements are not addressed in a timely manner, they can turn into conflicts and serious issues which can eventually result in separation and divorce.
How to patch up the differences and fill the big gap in order to avoid serious consequences like divorce?
With regard to the diet – Kapha individuals should start consuming more Pitta oriented food, e.g. black pepper, green chili, cloves, nutmeg, saffron, sage, pickles, etc. to ignite Pitta (fire element) in their system. This will help to burn the excess water element in their body, which will remove feelings of lethargy. They should also consume food items which contain strong Vata (air element), e.g. beans, millet, buckwheat, nuts and seeds. These food items can activate Vata (air element) in their system, which can help them to be proactive, expressive, communicative, more enthusiastic, take the initiative in doing things (particularly in their intimate relationships), and also be more eager to share emotional matters with their Vata spouse/partner.
The Vata individual should consume more roots, e.g. sweet potatoes, carrots, taro, beet root, green squash, cinnamon, cardamom, etc. to increase the earth element in their bodies. This will have a grounding effect on them at both the physical and mental levels. As a result, they would not remain too hyper, and instead be more focused, less distracted/attracted, feel more grounded, not be overly sensitive, and more importantly, become more patient and less agitated by the slow attitude of the Kapha spouse/partner.
From the perspective of lifestyle and exercise, Kapha individuals should spend more time doing vigorous exercises in the morning during the Kapha period (when the Kapha dosha has strong influence in the environment), generally between 6:00 am and 10:00 am. They should give more importance to exercising, even if they need to skip breakfast. This will help them to feel more energetic, motivated and enthusiastic. This change in their behavior (quality) will attract their Vata spouse/partner and make them feel happy.
Vata individuals should avoid too much exercise in the morning, which will help them to conserve their energy, instead of feeling exhausted. They should never skip breakfast in order to avoid Vata imbalance, which can happen when they keep their stomach empty for long periods of time. In the evening, they should do more relaxing exercises, like meditation, to calm the mind and the nervous system. This will help them to have more control in bed while spending some intimate moments with their Kapha spouse/partner. As a result of that calmness, they can be more patient and more understanding about the slow response from their Kapha spouse/partner in bed.
These simple changes with regard to diet and lifestyle can help them a lot in understanding each other and maintaining a harmonious relationship.
3. Kapha individuals with Kapha spouses/partners:
Generally, this combination can make the spouses’/partners’ lives easy going, without much tension/agitation. Kapha partners can understand each other quite well, they can be sensitive towards each other’s feelings and are cautious not to hurt the other person’s feelings.
However, if they are not careful, there is a strong possibility of them reinforcing and imposing their own ideas, opinions, tendencies on each other, which neither of them would like. Since the qualities of Kapha dosha does not allow them to be so expressive, they tend to harbor negative feelings/emotions in their hearts rather than sharing it with their spouse/partner. These accumulated negative feelings/emotions, in the long run, can create very serious problems between both of them. They may develop resentment, dislike and even hatred towards each other. If these factors are not addressed, their relationship can come to an end.
So, what should Kapha partners do? Since Kapha people are fond of eating, they like to cook as well. So, they should start cooking/preparing meals which include heaty spices, e.g. black pepper, cloves, nutmeg, etc. and reduce using sugar in their meals. This will help to enhance the fire element in their bodies, which in turn can help them to feel physically more active, mentally more motivated and not overly emotional – and be more practical instead. They should also reduce their intake of melons and roots in order to avoid feelings of lethargy and passivity.
They should encourage each other to do vigorous exercises regularly, which will help them to sweat. As a result of this, the excessive water element, which can easily get accumulated in their bodies, can be reduced. At the physical level, it can help to generate and maintain warmth in their bodies and at the emotional level, they won’t feel hurt so easily (due to being oversensitive) and would be able to handle emotionally sensitive situations rationally and logically.
With regard to their intimacy in bed – since Kapha individuals are not so passionate about actual sex, they do not show much interest in the actual act of sexual intercourse. But since the desire is still strong, they expect the other partner to initiate sex. This kind of expectation from their partner, which just remains at the mental level and is not expressed, can become the cause of serious issues between both partners.
To avoid such serious consequence, they should make a conscious effort to pay more attention to their diet – which should include hot, spicy food – and also to their routine with regard to regular vigorous exercises.
Such simple but consistent steps can help them avoid any ill feelings towards each other, and instead give them clarity at the mental level while also making them proactive and passionate at the physical level. This will enable them to live life with more happiness and enjoyment.
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DISCLAIMER: This information is intended for educational purposes only & does not constitute expert medical advice, nor is it meant to replace medical recommendations by a medical practitioner. Always consult a qualified Ayurveda Doctor/Health Professional/Yoga Guru for your specific medical needs before taking any herbal health supplements, and/or practicing Ayurveda & Yoga.